For The Record- 21. December. 2024

Merry Christmas, merry Christmas/ Couldn't miss this one this year

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Note: This first ran last year and quickly became one of the most popular posts of the year. It has been lightly updated & edited.

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This is a Christmas story. It’s also a story about Portland. Portland has always been quirky—from a sign with a deer on it to a store that gave free buzz cuts in the style of its owner (“and Gloria too!”) to a parade about roses. Mention ‘Psycho Safeway’ or say ‘Rip City!’ to someone outside of The Rose City and see how it goes.

Keep Portland weird? Oregonians have been doing that since day 1, long before it became performative or a sport. 

Every city had these sorts of things, I suppose. The kind of thing that transcends most demographics but is corralled within a few zip codes. A common ground that gets the diaspora to come out of the woodwork years later. It is a language 1000s share, but few outsiders get, like how the best Jojos come from gas stations. That is an absolutely true fact, btw. It’s science. And that statement reads like gibberish if you aren’t from the 503. 

This is a Portland story and one about Christmas. And quirks and traditions. 

It is the story of the Cinnamon Bear.

I grew up in a time when department stores still had flagship outlets in the middle of the city. Beautiful buildings with stunning facades and elegant insides that, even after their heyday, still made you feel fancy just walking through the door. There used to be a few of these downtown. Stately matrons who watched over Pioneer Square—and the parking garage that was there before it. The Meier & Frank building was gorgeous, taking up an entire city block. During the holidays, no expense was spared in turning the place into a winter wonderland that looked like it was straight off the set of Miracle on 34th street

There was even an (admittedly sketchy) monorail that took you around Santa Land. The whole experience was magical enough that seeing Santa wasn’t even the best part.

It was the stuff childhood dreams are made of.

None of that was happening at Frederick and Nelson’s. 

There were decorations, but they felt lifeless and apathetic. Spartan, even. 

But they did have something not even the vaunted Meier & Frank could touch— the Cinnamon Bear.

All of that is well and good. But what matters here is that by the mid to late 70s like the store itself, our man had seen better days. The costumes were a little more tattered, the eyes a little more wild. The cookies were still decent, though I’m sure that as a 7-year-old my bar was low. 

After Lipman’s was bought by department store Frederick & Nelson in 1979, they kept the character and trotted him out for another decade, to the abject terror of some Portland children.

“Oh my god, I fucking hated that bear,” recalls Nico Bella, owner of downtown’s Spellbound Flowers. “He looked like a Sleestak [from Land of the Lost] to me, and I was terrified of those. It was in a doorway and came waving and walking towards me, and I started yelling, ‘No, no, NO!’ and wailing. I ran out screaming.”

(In addition to the Sleestak resemblance, some versions of the 1980s-era Cinnamon Bear suit look rather disturbingly like a Furry in blackface.)

It’s not like he was mean like the Santa in ‘A Christmas Story’ or a degenerate like in ‘Bad Santa.’ He was just… freakin’ weird. Sometimes, he was light brown. Sometimes, his eyes were exaggerated, rendering him an ursine George Hamilton. He didn’t even talk! How could we tell him what we wanted? And why would it matter, anyway? Santa’s the guy who delivered. Toys came from the North Pole, not Maybeland. Couldn’t we just go across the street, survive a spin on the monorail, and call it good?

Apparently not. Portland parents kept bringing their kids. Maybe out of tradition, maybe to buck tradition. Maybe spite. I don’t know, and I’m not sure it matters.

What I do know is this: when the holidays roll around, there are a bunch of Gen X’ers posting things like:

And sharing pictures that look like this:

Wherever this finds you over the next couple of weeks, and however you celebrate, I hope it’s a holiday season filled with laughter, warmth, and joy. 

And Jojos.

Now for some links: